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The emails give people a bird's-eye view of Crowley's thoughts and plans, writes Bryant.
And, best of all, are "a good way to start a conversation" that doesn't involve the cost of a babysitter or who forgot to make the reservation (again).
Some of the spouses simply guessed (e.g.,"Ernie would never use a credit card! Others had to write about a typical day in their partner's life, and then "put themselves in his or her shoes" before predicting (e.g., "Ernie works so hard all day at the bank, and he resents even paying five dollars for lunch; he would never use a credit card.") The result: Those who tried to imagine the other's perspective were less accurate than those who winged it—confirming Epley's real-life experience of giving his dolphin-loving wife a day of caring for the animals at the aquarium, not realizing that, since she'd just had a baby, she would not enjoy the binding, full-body wetsuit.
While understanding that your partner may have a different take than you is helpful, he writes in Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want, you don't always imagine your partner's actual "different take." The best way to get your partner's point of view, he says, is to simply—oh yes, you saw this coming—ask for it.... Because sure, you want to pounce on him when you catch him in a jerky act—smoking a cigarette out the window?
Which, as we know from our own slipups, is the first step to apologizing—and figuring out how to avoid the inadvisable act next time. Both of you could sit there expressing opinions all night.Not so, says University of Chicago Booth School of Business professor Nicholas Epley.In his study of 104 couples, he asked one partner to predict how the other would respond to questions on everything from the use of cash to biggest life regret.You two need to decide on something big together: Should you buy that house? Or you could borrow a technique suggested by Chris Ertel and Lisa Kay Solomon, who consult with corporations on how to plan strategic meetings."One powerful way to establish context," write the two in Moments of Impact: How to Design Strategic Conversations That Accelerate Change, "is to create a large visual timeline." A company, for example, might plot key investments over the previous decade.